Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
