i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
