the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
