you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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