So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
