Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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