I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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