that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
