i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
