Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
