i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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