i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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