Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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