DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
