I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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