It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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