you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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