I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
