As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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