i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
