Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
