I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
