Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Alive.
So much puke
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
