This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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