If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
