I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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