nut hugger
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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