So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
