last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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