it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
