it hurts more in the daytime
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
