I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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