So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
