i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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