you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
