my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
