Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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