I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
