HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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