i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
