True but thats because hes a fetus.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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