A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
