that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
