I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
