i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
