carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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