Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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