i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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