I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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