Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drake has all the answers
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
