My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
