i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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