I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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