You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
