I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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