I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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