So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
