Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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