I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
farters have to be the big spoon...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
