he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
