is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
