U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sext me about skeletons
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
