i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
