In America we eat man semen.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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