Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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