I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
