He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
